(I read my mother a messed up text where a kid's phone said that they 'blew' their teacher instead of 'drew' him.)
Me: I'm positive that there were kids I went to high school that were doing something other than homework to get better grades.
Mom: I never did that. For one, I refuse to compromise my morals and for another, I don't like that.
Mom: You probably didn't want to hear that, did you?
Me: No, not really.
Mom: I wonder what I can get your Dad for Christmas.
Me(being silly): Your Mother!
Mom: He doesn't want THAT.
(Somehow my mom and I ended up talking about penises, I was trying to change subject.)
Me: Anyways how was-
Mom: Just so you know you're not allowed to marry a man with a small penis.
Mom: Yeah. I don't want any small penises messing up our family genes.
Mom: What? Do you really want me to tell you about your father's?
Me: No! No, No. No.
Mom: Cause he was huuuuge!
Me: Oh my God, mom!
Krtisten Bell Accidentally Takes an UberPool, Chronicles ...
A Teacher Posts Kindergarten Kid's Quotes on Instagram and ...
Give Your Friday Some b00bs with This New Internet Coke Challenge
Drew Really Wants to Give You an Ass Kicking
The Most Clever Graduation Caps From the Class of 2015
Watch Luigi Win Against Level 9 CPUs... by Doing Absolutely ...
The Weasley Twins Could Have Been the Heroes of the Harry ...
Of Course Nine Cats Would Love All These Boxes
It Thinks It Has a Chance. Cute!
Arya's Game of Faces Fools One Probably Near-Sighted Fan
Pick Your Site Name
Tell us more about it