(talking to my mom about a project for school.)
Me: Yeah, so my teacher says I actually have to talk about an accident that happened in the past. Do you have any I could use?
Me: But that's my brother's name.
Mom: Like I said...
Mother: Don't quote what I say on facebook. Seriously, if you quote what I say you will sleep on the roof for three weeks. And you can quote me on that.
Me: I'm going to discipline my kids better when I have them. I'm going to lock them in a closet.
Mom: Oh... That's what I did with you...
Mom: *sigh* I just want to be a lady of leisure.
Me: ... You want to be a prostitute?
Mom: No! I want to be a wealthy bitch!
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