*phone rings* Me: *answers* This is road kill cafe you kill we grill it, this is Sam speaking! Mom's boyfriend: *hangs up* Mom: Why'd you do that!? Me: Don't worry he'll be by to pick up his fried raccoon in an hour.

(Sister helping me with Chemistry in the front room when Mother grooves into the room, singing) Mother: I am the queen of vagina, I am queen of promiscuous, I am queen of gen- Me: Mum! What the futz?! Mother: It's not everyday you find a song you relate to! Leave me alone! (continues singing)