Self Poortraits, keeping us all entertained since social media made us even more vapid than before.
Mom: Hum the Star Spangled Banner
Mom: Well is it patriotic?
(I hum it for her)
Mom: Wait isn't that the national anthem? Is the Star Spangled Banner the national anthem?
Mom: Oh, I didn't know that. That's exactly what I want!
(Talking about moving to a town in Washington with my mother)
Me: We're moving to Pullman, Washington.
Mom: Oh, that nice. You've got to go see the Lincoln Memorial and the other things there.
Me, staring at my mother: Pullman, Washington...
Mom, clueless: Yeah, Washington is our national capital.
Me, shaking head: Our capital is Washington D.C.. We're moving to Washington state.
Mom: There's a difference?
Me: Talked to that guy.
Mom: Did you tell him you were available and easy?
Me: Um, what?
Mom: Well, it's been real. I'm going to bed. See you tomorrow!
(I read my mother a messed up text where a kid's phone said that they 'blew' their teacher instead of 'drew' him.)
Me: I'm positive that there were kids I went to high school that were doing something other than homework to get better grades.
Mom: I never did that. For one, I refuse to compromise my morals and for another, I don't like that.
Mom: You probably didn't want to hear that, did you?
Me: No, not really.
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