(Sister helping me with Chemistry in the front room when Mother grooves into the room, singing)
Mother: I am the queen of vagina, I am queen of promiscuous, I am queen of gen-
Me: Mum! What the futz?!
Mother: It's not everyday you find a song you relate to! Leave me alone! (continues singing)
(after a nasty bout of meds left me on the toilet for far too long)
Mom: It's exfoliating your colon!
(Talking about Jessica Simpson with my mom)
Mom: She's lucky that she has big boobs, because she can't sing at all.
Mom: (to my Dad) Honey, will you get me a glass of water?
Dad: (looks at me) Get her a glass of water.
(I give him a look.)
Dad: We feed and clothe you, slave. Get the water!
Mom: *sigh* I just want to be a lady of leisure.
Me: ... You want to be a prostitute?
Mom: No! I want to be a wealthy bitch!
Mom: When you were a baby I swear I'd take a bullet for you in the blink of an eye... Now you're 18 and I'm contemplating actually shooting you myself...
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