Dude, seriously? Aren't you worried about your dog or even the plethora of flammable chemicals you're throwing sparks at? There's a fine line between kludging and wanton disregard for safety, this is definitely the latter.
See more illustrated fixes at Cheezburger's Web Comics site!
Installation art: You're doing it wrong!
"Too early in the morning to be influenced by a "here, hold my beer" moment. My husband's creative helper."
Protip: Move to Seattle. You'll never have to fix an air conditioner again!
...so this was the solution.
For the reddest of necks only! For real, though, well done, random Craigslist user. That's some impressive ingenuity right there!