There's a certain etiquette that needs to be followed if you insist on looking straight down while walking in a crowd.

You'd better believe HR is going to hear about this when I get back.

A deaf disco is actually a great business idea; deaf people only need lights, so you'd save a ton of money on music.

The most hurtful grammar nazi attacks are the ones that skillfully combine lessons in possessive pronouns with an unsympathetic performance review of one's genitalia.

Although if she's going to give a lesson on grammar, she'd better make sure she's using the correct verb form of the first-person plural ("so we don't sound like an uneducated dumb fck").

She always does what I tell her!

My 59-year-old mother accidentally tipped her laundry basket over into the toilet. Hilarity ensued.

They both have those terrifying blue eyes and a soul born in 1928!

From the original source:

Forgot to take an old ad off Craigslist. Now I just mess with people.