My mother texts me: Hey... Dad wants a ticket to the game in green bay for Christmas... I believe it's a football game and I think it's the Packers against another team... Possibly the Yankees.
Mother: Don't quote what I say on facebook. Seriously, if you quote what I say you will sleep on the roof for three weeks. And you can quote me on that.
Self Poortraits, keeping us all entertained since social media made us even more vapid than before.
(While watching mom hang stockings)
Me: Mom, you only have two kids, why are you hanging six stockings?
Mom: Well, two are for the dogs, three for the cats, and one for the bird.
Me: So where's Sister's stocking? And mine?
Mom: Oh like I'm getting gifts for you two.
(Brother is leaving to go home, his dog dug holes in the yard.)
Mom: You still have to fill my holes.
Brother and Me: *laugh hysterically*
Brother: That sounded wrong.
Mom: Fill in my holes then fix my yard.
Me: We don't live in Alabama, mom!
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