Mom: Is it true your sister smokes weed?
Me: Yeah. Duh.
Mom: What problems could a fifteen-year-old possibly have that they would need weed for?! I NEED WEED TO PUT UP WITH RAISING THAT CHILD!
(Me brushing my teeth)
(Gargling, Dad walks in holds my nose and says)
Me: (Spits everything on him)
Dad: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! EVERYONE SWALLOWS IN THIS HOUSE!
Mom: That's right dear.
There are tons more phoners over at Autocowrecks!
Self Poortraits, keeping us all entertained since social media made us even more vapid than before.
(My mom walks in to my room as I'm pulling my pants up from masturbating.)
Mom: What were you doing.
Me: Uh... Nothing
Mom: OK, just a tip, next time, do "nothing" in the bathroom.
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