(Me playing Plants vs. Zombies)
Grandma: Hey! That is a funny game! Those grey guys look like your grandfather. He likes fighting with my plants too. But at least he doesn't eat them. Well, not always.
(Meow from outside door)
Mom: I hear a kitty!
Mom: Wait, where's the kitty? Was there ever a kitty? Am I on drugs?
(Mom and I watching "The First Wives' Club")
Mom: You know, if your dad ever wanted to divorce me, I think I'd just murder him.
Me: What, why?
Mom: Because I'd rather be a widow than a first wife.
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