(Mom and I watching "The First Wives' Club")
Mom: You know, if your dad ever wanted to divorce me, I think I'd just murder him.
Me: What, why?
Mom: Because I'd rather be a widow than a first wife.
(Me playing Plants vs. Zombies)
Grandma: Hey! That is a funny game! Those grey guys look like your grandfather. He likes fighting with my plants too. But at least he doesn't eat them. Well, not always.
(A while ago, when I was a young child.)
Me: What's plastic surgery?
Dad: It's when they take out your lungs and dip them in corn syrup.
Here's Everything You Missed from that Justin Bieber Roast
Amazon Dash Isn't an April Fools' Prank, So the Internet ...
Google Just Unveiled Its Life-Changing Approach to Mail
This April Fools It's a Bad Idea to "Prank" Breakup
Snapchat Cat Art Has Reached the Highest Level of Sophistication
Groupon's Social Media Team Absolutely Knows They're Selling ...
Guy Annoys the Hell Out of His Coworkers With the Most Awful ...
Which Pokémon Do You Use to Fly?
Monkey Meets Puppies for First Time, Wants to Snuggle them ...
Our Favorite Cheezburger App Submissions of the Week!
Pick Your Site Name
Tell me more