(Me and my dad sitting on the sofa watching TV.)
Me: *Stretching and my shirt comes up a bit.*
My Dad: JESUS YOU'VE GOT A HAIRY PRICK!
Dad: BELLY I MEANT BELLY!
(Mom and I watching "The First Wives' Club")
Mom: You know, if your dad ever wanted to divorce me, I think I'd just murder him.
Me: What, why?
Mom: Because I'd rather be a widow than a first wife.
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