Now when you read your kid's text messages, you'll know when it's appropriate to cry about your lost child.
Me: so my friends and I decided that for senior ditch day we wanted to go visit a couple museums.
Step-mom:Museums? Why can't you be a normal teenager and go get drunk or smoke pot?
Me: What?! no! Dad! Are you hearing this? I want to do something intellectual!
Dad: *shaking his head* Where did I go wrong?
(To my 3 year old niece who is pretending to be a baby doll's mother)
Me: Josie, did that baby come from your belly?
(Josie looks at me as if I were the dumbest girl on Earth.)
Josie: No, it came from my uterus!
Mom: Don't leave your windows cracked. Someone might put a snake in your car.
Check out more phoners over at Autocowrecks!
THE GOOD NEWS: My mom uses Rage Faces, and loves them! THE BAD NEWS: She doesn't yet know what they all mean.
This Brave, Incredible Man Took a Photo of Himself Everyday ...
30 of the Most Ridiculous Examples of Fallout Logic
Dorkly Tackles Disney Sex Scenes in a Way You'll Wish You'd ...
What Would Facebook Look Like if it Didn't Have All the Stuff ...
All Youtubers Can Learn a Lesson From This Guy
Brake Checking the Vehicle Way Heavier Than Yours: Still ...
Is There Even A Cuter Puppy With Hiccups Right Now?
This Texas Lawmaker Probably Should Have Cut the Mic Before ...
Yelp Can Also be a Review Site for Annoying Customers
Here's How These 15 Celebrities Prepared for Prom
Pick Your Site Name
Tell me more