Me: so my friends and I decided that for senior ditch day we wanted to go visit a couple museums. Step-mom:Museums? Why can't you be a normal teenager and go get drunk or smoke pot? Me: What?! no! Dad! Are you hearing this? I want to do something intellectual! Dad: *shaking his head* Where did I go wrong?

(After taking a bite of dinner) Me: This tastes funny. Mom: The bottle said the poison was suppose to be undetectable. Me: What? Mom: What?

When I was 8 and dad was tucking me into bed... Me: Dad is mom coming up to tuck me in? Dad: No, the ghosts got her. Night Night.

I get home from pep band and have to do homework in my room when my mom walks in Mom: Hey honey how was- Me: GET OUT MOM IM DRAWING A CYBORG CHICKEN. Mom: Where did we go wrong with you?

Me to my Dad, who's sitting on the couch with my cat: You two are exactly alike. You both spend all day on the couch unless you want something to eat. Dad, after a pause, looks at the cat: I think she's talking to you.