Things Only Parents Say

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"IN BED," Right?

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(I went out for sushi with my grandma. She just gave me the Heimlich after i choked on the sushi and the the waiter brought fortune cookies.) Grandma: What does yours say, "Take smaller bites"?
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Meaningless Bets Are a Sacred Rite

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Dad: If you get that girl pregnant you have to name the kid Fruitloop. Me: Why? Dad: I lost a bet.
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Red Rover Red Rover Send Semi-Truck Right Over!

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*At a gas station on a snowy pass* Dad: Hey look, traffic! Go play in it! Me: I don't feel like being killed. Dad: Don't worry, they'll steer off the road and kill themselves first!
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