(My date and I about to leave.)
Dad: Oh, and kids! Don't forget, stop teen pregnancy- take it in the ass!
Dad: What? I saw it online and thought it would come as great use to you.
(My grandma and I walking past a group of guys playing tennis with their shirts off.)
Me: Oh I love tennis! I wish I could play with them.
Grandma: I want to play with them too, but I want to play a different game.
(Mum looks despairingly around our messy kitchen.)
Mum: I think no matter how poor we are, we should pay someone to come in and set fire to the kitchen.
(Me eating a chocolate orange on sofa, dad who is on a diet next to me)
Dad: I hope you die in pain.
(In my Oma's kitchen talking about how much tile i put down while fixing the house. I'm female.)
Me: You see these hands?! These are the hands of a working man!
Oma: With a rack like that, I don't think you're much of a man.
Me: You knew what I meant!
(My mom's sex talk with my youngest brother): Listen here Peter Rabbit, you stay out of Mrs. McGreggor's garden!
Little Sister: Dad, you're putting butter in a cup! Who does that?!
Me: Cool people. And dad.
Dad: Just when I thought you were smart, you had to say something like that to prove how unsmart you is!
Me: I'm not the one who said "unsmart."
Scientifically Accurate: CatDog
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