(Brother is leaving to go home, his dog dug holes in the yard.)
Mom: You still have to fill my holes.
Brother and Me: *laugh hysterically*
Brother: That sounded wrong.
Mom: Fill in my holes then fix my yard.
Me: We don't live in Alabama, mom!
(My mom was talking to her self at the store)
Me: Mom who are you talking too?
Mom: Myself, I have to talk louder than the voices in my head.
(I read my mother a messed up text where a kid's phone said that they 'blew' their teacher instead of 'drew' him.)
Me: I'm positive that there were kids I went to high school that were doing something other than homework to get better grades.
Mom: I never did that. For one, I refuse to compromise my morals and for another, I don't like that.
Mom: You probably didn't want to hear that, did you?
Me: No, not really.
(Meow from outside door)
Mom: I hear a kitty!
Mom: Wait, where's the kitty? Was there ever a kitty? Am I on drugs?
(Six year old sister runs up behind me, pours glitter on me, and pushes me out the door into the sunlight.)
Me: What was that for!?
Sister: Now you're Alice!
Me: What? What the-
Sister: She's a vampire. From Twilight. You wouldn't get it.
Me: No, I wouldn't get it.
Sister: Tell me what's gonna happen next!
Me: Dad, your car is falling apart, you should really look at getting it fixed.
Dad: It's not falling apart, it has CHARACTER.
(*Dad goes to open car door, it falls off*)
Dad: (*Guilty look over shoulder*) Character?
Me: It'd be boring being a rich farmer (we're on a seriously long drive)
Mum: I suppose. They go round everywhere shooting peasants.
Me and 2 brothers: *pokerfaces*
Me: Mum, you mean pheasants.
Mom: Oh, yeah. Those too. Peasants are tastier, I think.
whole family: O.o :L
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