Dad: If you get that girl pregnant you have to name the kid Fruitloop.
Dad: I lost a bet.
(This was a few years back while we were watching David Tennant on "Friday Night with Jonathan Ross")
Dad: If he can speak English properly, why dosen't he always do it?
Me: ... What? He is speaking proper English.
Dad: No he's not, he's got an accent. You can't speak proper English with an accent.
My mother texts me: Hey... Dad wants a ticket to the game in green bay for Christmas... I believe it's a football game and I think it's the Packers against another team... Possibly the Yankees.
(Me: *Skyping cute boy*)
Mom: *Barges into room* Who are you talking to?
Me: Travis, mum.
Mom: You better not be showing him your privates!
Dad: What have I always said about smoking?
Me: I don't know, it's bad, don't do it?
Dad: No, it keeps you thin.
(Driving down the road nice and smoothly with my dad. Soon traffic hits and we come to an almost stop.)
Dad: What are we stopped for? A sex toy party?
Dad: I brake for edible underwear!
(Talking about my friend's dad being cooler)
Dad: Well does he play video games with you?
Dad: Does he watch porn with you?
Me: What? No why wo...
Dad: Come on, we are going to the video store.
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