Little Sister: Dad, you're putting butter in a cup! Who does that?!
Me: Cool people. And dad.
Dad: Just when I thought you were smart, you had to say something like that to prove how unsmart you is!
Me: I'm not the one who said "unsmart."
Mom: Is it true your sister smokes weed?
Me: Yeah. Duh.
Mom: What problems could a fifteen-year-old possibly have that they would need weed for?! I NEED WEED TO PUT UP WITH RAISING THAT CHILD!
Dad: On the whole, all protests are bad.
Me: You can't just generalize like that.
Dad: I'm not generalizing. I'm just saying that on the whole they're all bad.
Me: And that's a generalization.
Dad: No it's not.
Me: How so?
Dad: I don't want to talk about this anymore.
(Going to visit my grandma, my little sister just walks in her house)
Me:(to my sister) Hey, learn to knock. What if grandma isn't dressed or has company?
Grandma: Yeah! What if I have company and we're naked?!
(Six year old sister runs up behind me, pours glitter on me, and pushes me out the door into the sunlight.)
Me: What was that for!?
Sister: Now you're Alice!
Me: What? What the-
Sister: She's a vampire. From Twilight. You wouldn't get it.
Me: No, I wouldn't get it.
Sister: Tell me what's gonna happen next!
Me (7 Year old): Mom, what if aliens landed in the back yard, ate all our food, and left?
Dad: Sounds like our relatives.
Mom: (Glares at dad)
(Dad got a deer this season and is processing it himself).
Me: Ugh... There's body parts all inside the freezer.
Mom: People are going to think we're John Wayne Gacy.
Me: Didn't he have sex with the bodies first?
Mom: You weren't there.
Witness a Local Trade Group Where NO ONE Understands Basic ...
Yik Yak Brings People Together
Tom Hardy's Myspace Pictures Will Remind You of Your Own ...
This Artist Transformed Cats Into Hot Anime Girls and I Don't ...
A History of The Deadpool Movie As Told By Ryan Reynolds' ...
It's Fine, You'll Get the Point Soon Enough
Look, He's Learning!
Everyone Has One Thing on the Brain
Pick Your Site Name
Tell us more about it