Dukie's dad Was Aiming Low, to Avoid Disappointment

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(I had just received my acceptance letter to Duke.) Dad: To be honest, I didn't expect you to finish high school.
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Oh Mom, So Full of Lies

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Mom: Don't sleep with anyone. Me: I know, I know. Mom: No, I'm serious, they don't look that good naked. God didn't do a very good job when he put them together.
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At Which Point She Bought Tin Foil to Protect Her Brain Waves

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(My mom was talking to her self at the store) Me: Mom who are you talking too? Mom: Myself, I have to talk louder than the voices in my head.
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Leax636 is Breaking Mirrors Accordingly

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(Talking to my 9-year-old brother) Me: Hey, do you know who is coming on Saturday night? Mom: Your Dad, if he's lucky.
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Megandoc's Dad Can Make Sprinkles Too

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Dad: I s**t ice cream. That's how perfect I am.
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When You Least Expect it, It Will Strike

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Me: Mom, can I have a curfew? Mom: You already have one. Me: So, when is it? Mom: I won't tell you. Me: Then what's the point of a curfew? Mom: So we can punish you when you break it.
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