(This was a few years back while we were watching David Tennant on "Friday Night with Jonathan Ross")
Dad: If he can speak English properly, why dosen't he always do it?
Me: ... What? He is speaking proper English.
Dad: No he's not, he's got an accent. You can't speak proper English with an accent.
Me: Dad, I can't remember what RNA is!
Dad: Remember, RNA is sort of like an aggressive date.
Me: ... Huh?
Dad: It helps unzip your genes! Ha!
(Me brushing my teeth)
(Gargling, Dad walks in holds my nose and says)
Me: (Spits everything on him)
Dad: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! EVERYONE SWALLOWS IN THIS HOUSE!
Mom: That's right dear.
(Driving down the road nice and smoothly with my dad. Soon traffic hits and we come to an almost stop.)
Dad: What are we stopped for? A sex toy party?
Dad: I brake for edible underwear!
Dad: Remember, porn for free is sexuality. You need a profit before you can call it a profession.
(Us at table eating tapioca. My uncle Ralph *has finished his but there is no more):
Uncle Ralph: Hey did you know semen is low calorie food? Five calories per go!
Me and Brothers: *Push away food* Eeeeeeeeew.
Uncle Ralph: Well if you're not gonna eat it....
(*Me, texting my Dad*)
Me: So can I keep the cat inside the house?
Dad: I'll have to ask the Magic Conch.
The First Official Trailer for ‘Jurassic World’ is Here, ...
No Matter Who You Are, You've Always Got to Start With a ...
Buddy, We've Got Bad News for You
Link is So Happy in His Kart
No Makeup, Except for the Part With Makeup
Dancing With the Stars Had a Mario Bros. Freestyle Dance ...
Pancake, Do a Barrel Roll!
The Best Type of Girlfriend
She's Not Into You Bro
When Did it Become a Contest?
Pick Your Site Name
Tell me more