Cutting the Red Wire

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Cutting the Red Wire
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In this analogy, the exploding bomb is the girl replying "Ewww, gross, you're a creepy schmuck and I award you two out of ten hottie points" and ignoring me. My bomb-ravaged body represents my self-esteem.

Don't Chase 'Em

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Don't Chase 'Em
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Received a text from an unknown number.

As someone who just found out he got rejected, the sender took it like a champ. Still, if he's going to be so insistent on asking "whos this?" he shouldn't respond "WHOA dog don't TRIP c'mon man" when he's asked the same question.

Winky Face, You Little Strumpet

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Winky Face, You Little Strumpet
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If winky faces are the trollops of smiley face land, then (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻) are the oppressed cubicle workers with short tempers.

Spell It Out

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Spell It Out
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Men! Good grammar is like fresh breath and a clean shirt! Never go without it when you're impressing the ladies. Also, it can lead to some confusion...

autocowrecks - grammar nazi my awesome what

Prepare for the Most Awkward Day Ever

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Prepare for the Most Awkward Day Ever
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THAT'S WHY YOU SAY THESE THINGS IN PERSON

NOT OVER YOUR EXPENSIVE TOY

ARE YOU MAD

Hello Lady(ies)

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Hello Lady(ies)
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From the submitter:

This guy texted 9 girls at one time...not realizing they can all see it.

Well? Sometimes if I try really hard I can think of nine people at once. LET'S SEE WHAT HE WANTS BEFORE WE JUDGE HIM.

You're the Bono to my Africa

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You're the Bono to my Africa
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The sender must have been talking about the 2011 TV on the Radio single "You." She's got good taste!