LOL! Balrogs are illiterate!
There's a Greg in our office, and this flowchart would work perfectly for him. Except it would be placed in front of the coffee, and instead of asking if he has permission, it would ask "Did you make the coffee? Have you ever made coffee? No? Then go away."
Our office has about six choices of tea: Three black teas, one green tea, and two mint teas. The black teas run out first, and when they're gone, everyone gripes about it and grimaces whenever they slurp their insufferably sweetened tea. Once I saw someone crying in the corner.