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Cops Lob a Hail Mary, Ask Mystery Owner to Come Claim Their Homeless 5-Pound Bag of Weed

Well, there you have it: today in shit that never happens, we have what shows all signs of a legit police station taking to Twitter to kindly invite the mystery owner of a homeless, sweet five-pounds of the Mary Jane to step forward and claim what's theirs. You know what though. It's 2017. We're having a hell of a first week as far as the extreme and unexpected, generally far-fetched news goes. So, is it really that hard to fathom mystery dude coming out the dark to reclaim his stash? Yeah, but for the sake of a solid story, please let something develop here. Please. 

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funny police facebook post skittles
Via: Dodge City Sheriff's Department
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Does the five-second rule apply to tasting the rainbow?

Hard to say, but the Dodge County Sheriff’s Office are trying to find out, and being really funny about it. They are investigating a glowing red road, which, upon closer inspection, turned out to be covered in skittles. Was this a prank by one of those sprites that leave candy-related whimsy around the midwest?

No, as it turns out, someone was transporting a crap-load of loose skittles to be fed to cows. Apparently, it’s an old practice to fill cow-feed with candy to keep prices low. Lucky cows. Getting to eat candy for dinner before slaughter and consumption. I wish I could eat candy for dinner!

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Local Sheriff's Office Facebook Page Is a Comedic Goldmine

It's gotta be the coffee, donuts, rinse down and repeat routine. That's my running theory right now. Okay, not actually though. Clearly their social media game is on lock. Just cause these law-enforcing, pistol-slingin bros rep the badge don't in any way imply they can't rock the shit out of some innocent, chuckleworthy humor. Seriously though. Some of these posts from the Oconee County Georgia Sheriff's Office are greatness.

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