Jesse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GRuzaMwvrA

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As a child, Laura was bitten by a radioactive helium balloon. Now she must spend her days tethered to the earth by a rope held by her sidekick Gimpy, the Girl Wonder.

To be fair, "gritty" reboots always go super well and never, ever backfire for the superhero comics industry. Now that Disney's bought Marvel, it's only the next logical step.

And if those pants don't help him impress Farrah Fawcett, nothing will.

Oh, you want me to put on some pants? Sorry, no can do. It's HOT out today.