(My Mom was watching the TV when I joined her. She had no idea I was gay.)
Mom: Any nice boys in your class?
Mom: Any nice boys in another class?
Mom: Do you even look at the boys?
Me: ... No, not really.
Mom: You prefer girls?
Me: ... Yes.
Mom: Any nice girls in your class?
(Somehow my mom and I ended up talking about penises, I was trying to change subject.)
Me: Anyways how was-
Mom: Just so you know you're not allowed to marry a man with a small penis.
Mom: Yeah. I don't want any small penises messing up our family genes.
Mom: What? Do you really want me to tell you about your father's?
Me: No! No, No. No.
Mom: Cause he was huuuuge!
Me: Oh my God, mom!
...but his parents have just been letting him watch too many terrible sitcoms.
Dad: If you want to date, date somebody who's going to harass you, so I'll at least have an excuse when the police bring me into custody.
Dad: You know what I'll do when you bring a boy you like to meet me?
Me(a little worried): What?
Dad: I'll take him out into the yard to talk with him. Make him dig a hole, then bury him in it.
(One afternoon, talking with my dad about first kisses.)
Me: So, your first kiss wasn't with mom?
Dad: No. It actually was with somebody VERY different from her.
Me: Yeah? And where was it?
Dad: Well, it was in school, between classes.
Me: Dad, I thought there were only guys in your school.
Dad: I DID say it was somebody different.
This Brave, Incredible Man Took a Photo of Himself Everyday ...
30 of the Most Ridiculous Examples of Fallout Logic
Dorkly Tackles Disney Sex Scenes in a Way You'll Wish You'd ...
All Youtubers Can Learn a Lesson From This Guy
What Would Facebook Look Like if it Didn't Have All the Stuff ...
Brake Checking the Vehicle Way Heavier Than Yours: Still ...
Is There Even A Cuter Puppy With Hiccups Right Now?
This Texas Lawmaker Probably Should Have Cut the Mic Before ...
Yelp Can Also be a Review Site for Annoying Customers
Batman v Superman Teaser Gets Animated Like The 90's Series
Pick Your Site Name
Tell me more