(Talking to sister about a long string of failed relationships.) Sister: Y'know, I've given up on men. Too much hassle. Me: You should try women. Sister: Been there, done that, collected their t-shirts. Mother: (Walks in absent-mindedly) You should try horses.... Sister: Yeah, probably.

(My Mom was watching the TV when I joined her. She had no idea I was gay.) Mom: Any nice boys in your class? Me: No. Mom: Any nice boys in another class? Me: No. Mom: Do you even look at the boys? Me: ... No, not really. Mom: You prefer girls? Me: ... Yes. Mom: Any nice girls in your class?

(One afternoon, talking with my dad about first kisses.) Me: So, your first kiss wasn't with mom? Dad: No. It actually was with somebody VERY different from her. Me: Yeah? And where was it? Dad: Well, it was in school, between classes. Me: Dad, I thought there were only guys in your school. Dad: I DID say it was somebody different.

(My date and I about to leave.) Dad: Oh, and kids! Don't forget, stop teen pregnancy- take it in the ass! Me: DAD!!! Dad: What? I saw it online and thought it would come as great use to you.