(Somehow my mom and I ended up talking about penises, I was trying to change subject.)
Me: Anyways how was-
Mom: Just so you know you're not allowed to marry a man with a small penis.
Mom: Yeah. I don't want any small penises messing up our family genes.
Mom: What? Do you really want me to tell you about your father's?
Me: No! No, No. No.
Mom: Cause he was huuuuge!
Me: Oh my God, mom!
Fake? Perhaps fake. It's hard to tell in this day and age. One thing's for sure, there's plenty more mobile lols and phone mishaps over at Autocowrecks!
(Talking to sister about a long string of failed relationships.)
Sister: Y'know, I've given up on men. Too much hassle.
Me: You should try women.
Sister: Been there, done that, collected their t-shirts.
Mother: (Walks in absent-mindedly) You should try horses....
Sister: Yeah, probably.
Reddit user x4everendeavorx writes:
My friend, a teacher for a 7th grade class, intercepted a love note between students. She returned it like this...
(My Mom was watching the TV when I joined her. She had no idea I was gay.)
Mom: Any nice boys in your class?
Mom: Any nice boys in another class?
Mom: Do you even look at the boys?
Me: ... No, not really.
Mom: You prefer girls?
Me: ... Yes.
Mom: Any nice girls in your class?
(One afternoon, talking with my dad about first kisses.)
Me: So, your first kiss wasn't with mom?
Dad: No. It actually was with somebody VERY different from her.
Me: Yeah? And where was it?
Dad: Well, it was in school, between classes.
Me: Dad, I thought there were only guys in your school.
Dad: I DID say it was somebody different.
(My date and I about to leave.)
Dad: Oh, and kids! Don't forget, stop teen pregnancy- take it in the ass!
Dad: What? I saw it online and thought it would come as great use to you.
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