Black Metal Babysitting

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Next week's agenda: drawing pentagrams with finger paint.

The Most Painful Rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner Ever

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From a recent Dallas-Los Angeles Major League Soccer match.

Look, we know she's 11, and we also know that people who pick on children online are contemptible bullies with major insecurities about their sexual organs, etc. etc. But a performance this egregious can be a learning opportunity not only for whoever billed her to open the game, but also for her, that she's not (and shouldn't want to be) Christina Aguilera.

Eight-Year-Old Power (Metal)

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An eight-year-old can play along with "Stratosphere" by Swedish Finnish power metal band Stratovarius and you can't? What are you doing with your life?

The 4-Year-Old Kanye

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This kid is only four years old, and his rhythm and beats are impeccable. Maybe when he learns to read and write, he can be an even better lyricist!