Probably bad News

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Via: NJ
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From NJ:

Harden located the car, a gray Toyota van, parked by the store's loading dock with its engine running, lights on and music blaring, the lieutenant said.

The driver, Brian Chellis, 23, of Cedar Grove, was asleep behind the wheel, wearing an "Elf on the Shelf" costume, Macintosh said.

After shutting off the car's engine and waking Chellis, the sergeant detected a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage on his breath, the lieutenant said.
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Via: Uproxx
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From the Queensland Times:

It will be alleged the man – who was wearing a flower pot over his head in an attempt to conceal his identity – entered the store about 4.30am on Monday, while two staff members were cleaning a coffee machine.

Wielding a chainsaw which was running at the time, the man lunged at the store attendants, who retreated into a back room.

Police allege the man then used the chainsaw to damage a window and several display racks in the shop, before exposing his buttocks to the store attendants. He is accused of damaging a parked vehicle upon fleeing the scene.

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Via: Uproxx
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Health insurance isn't easy in the United States, but this is something else entirely. Via Fox 8 Live:

…when the officer asked Diondre why she provided the hospital staff with the wrong name and information, Diondre pointed at her shirt and told the officer, "They must have gotten the name from this shirt." The shirt that Diondre was wearing was a memorial shirt for her deceased sister, Delores. Diondre Jones was booked with one count of Medicaid fraud and also had an outstanding attachment for failure to appear in court from a previous arrest.
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Via: ABC11
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From ABC11:

The North Carolina Highway Patrol says a tractor-trailer driver hauling a load of Ramen noodles nodded off at the wheel and crashed, causing a mess along southbound I-95 near Rocky Mount Wednesday morning.

"I thought I could make it down to the truck stops in Kenly, and I didn't quite make it. I kind of drowsed off, and next thing I knew I had taken out the guard rail," driver Larry Scholting told ABC11.