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Criminally Dumb Criminal,news,florida,Probably bad News
Via: NY Daily News
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If you read that headline and thought "I bet this happened in Florida," then congratulations! There's a milkshake for you in the fridge as a prize. Go ahead, check it! A choice quote from the story:

The deputies searched Mitchell and fount 23 grams of marijuana hidden under his fat. Police also found a handgun in the middle console and $7,000 in cash stuffed in a tube sock. The suspects tried to hide the smell of drugs with carpet freshener and scented dryer sheets, but that didn't work.

news,sandwich,Probably bad News,weird
Via: Des Moines Register
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From the Des Moines Register:

The man accused of throwing a McChicken sandwich at his wife reportedly broke the woman's nose during the incident, police said Thursday.

Sgt. Jason Halifax, a spokesman for the Des Moines Police department, confirmed that Marvin Tramaine Hill II, 21, did more damage than police initially thought after smashing a sandwich bun into his wife's face Tuesday afternoon. Halifax said charges against Hill will likely be amended to simple domestic assault causing bodily injury.

"It doesn't matter what instrument is used to commit the assault ... ," Halifax said. "Domestic abuse is a huge problem. The greater issue is this guy is getting angry over a sandwich."
Via: The Late Late Show with James Corden
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Can you imagine a news outlet abandoning shadow tactics and deceptive headlining/storytelling for some strange sort of honest high ground, hellbent on proliferating the truth-tellin? Nah, that sounds like madness...

At least we have James Corden (a mildly entertaining late night host with occasional flashes of comedic brilliance) around to show us what that could look like. Kind of.

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