But Seriously, That Game Sucks

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But Seriously, That Game Sucks
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Some days I feel like taking after Misses Edna Prooster and taking a baton to you Farmville-requesting asses.

I Will Take This Dump in Honor of a Good Friend

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I Will Take This Dump in Honor of a Good Friend
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The question is, if she's out celebrating, where's Joey? Sitting at home alone while he reads happy birthday texts from people who are partying without him? Diff'rent strokes, I guess.

I Wuv Yoo Sooooo Much, Phonenenene

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I Wuv Yoo Sooooo Much, Phonenenene
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By Unknown
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If you talk to your phone when you're drunk, does it translate your slurred words into drunk texts?

Easy to Amuse

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Easy to Amuse
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As before, here's a rough translation of the drunk/high textspeak in case you're having trouble.

Npppppp u am nitvhigh I moss dt ey ismt she esting pancakrx: "My N.P.'s (Nurse Practitioner's) uncle held his bat mitzvah this a.m. (it was a morning party) and my gift of edible moss only succeeded in establishing pancreatic ulcers in my host."

Cddk be: "(the) Caterer Dummies Didn't Know; (they) Belayed Eating (the moss)"

Um hoooot hiiiiiifg,,,, wtf I gaac bonr,,,,: "Ultimately, I acted in the manner of a hooooting owl flying hiiiiiigh in the dead of night and covertly escaped the bat mitzvah, my footsteps low to the ground and subtle like a series of commas... my escape was so smooth and fluid that in the middle of it I unexpectedly got a Gigantic And Awesomely Curved Boner."

Hooooonkey: "[racial slur for white people]"