Some days I feel like taking after Misses Edna Prooster and taking a baton to you Farmville-requesting asses.

Jimmy is not amused.

Downvoted into oblivion? Dude, the "you were so drunk last night" posts regularly scored 4.5/5 thumbs out of almost a thousand votes when we had voting on the front page, to say nothing of how well they (still) do on the vote page, which is how they make the front page in the first place. Sorry bro, but you're still in the minority for now.

/rant

As before, here's a rough translation of the drunk/high textspeak in case you're having trouble.

Npppppp u am nitvhigh I moss dt ey ismt she esting pancakrx: "My N.P.'s (Nurse Practitioner's) uncle held his bat mitzvah this a.m. (it was a morning party) and my gift of edible moss only succeeded in establishing pancreatic ulcers in my host."

Cddk be: "(the) Caterer Dummies Didn't Know; (they) Belayed Eating (the moss)"

Um hoooot hiiiiiifg,,,, wtf I gaac bonr,,,,: "Ultimately, I acted in the manner of a hooooting owl flying hiiiiiigh in the dead of night and covertly escaped the bat mitzvah, my footsteps low to the ground and subtle like a series of commas... my escape was so smooth and fluid that in the middle of it I unexpectedly got a Gigantic And Awesomely Curved Boner."

Hooooonkey: "[racial slur for white people]"