My Shirt Is So Drinked Up

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My Shirt Is So Drinked Up
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This isn't the most incomprehensible text we've had, but in case you need a bit of help for the "3 get in front of my gave," he's saying "I have obtained three items, the identity of which i choose not to disclose to you, via a front-end transaction and I gave said items away soon after said transaction."

You're Drunk, and I'm a Phone

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You're Drunk, and I'm a Phone
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I don't have any opposable thumbs. Or hands. Don't be ridiculous.

I Whisper That to Every Car, Just in Case

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I Whisper That to Every Car, Just in Case
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Occasionally I'll pick up a stick and whisper "Wingardium Leviosa" to myself before putting it back down disappointedly.