After some quick research on his pedophile computer, Pedobear rushed out of the pedocave in his pedomobile. The pedo this city neither needs nor deserves.
Right, because he's the dumb one for not knowing what "epistolary" means.
Drafting the perfect text message is a learned art form. Just remember, the more you write, the more likely you are to literally set the other person's phone on fire.
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