Spider on Weathercam Freaks Out Meteorologist

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In other news, metro Vancouver has gone silent after reports of giant arachnid attack.

Callin' Oates: Your Emergency Hall and Oates Hotline

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Whether you want to ease the pain of heartbreak with the bittersweet melody of "She's Gone" or celebrate a blossoming romance to the euphoric beat of "You Make My Dreams," the Callin' Oates hotline will be there for you. Just dial (719)26-OATES and open a direct line to your heart.

How Will I Get Into an Ivy League School Now?

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How Will I Get Into an Ivy League School Now?
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Maybe I'm part Cherokee? Let's go with part Cherokee.

An Absentee Excuse That's Worth a Lifetime

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An Absentee Excuse That's Worth a Lifetime
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You're welcome, young stranger! Unless this is spam in which case go die in a fire.