The One Guy That Approves Beer Labels

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The One Guy That Approves Beer Labels
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This year alone, 29,500 individually designed beer labels have been submitted for approval to the Trade Department's Tax and Trade Bureau. And every single one of those label designs was approved or denied by a single man: Kent "Battle" Martin, a man who is the bane of the beer industry for his power to reject labels for the flimsiest of reasons.


Here are a few of the reasons:

Battle has rejected a beer label for the King of Hearts, which had a playing card image on it, because the heart implied that the beer would have a health benefit.

He rejected a beer label featuring a painting called The Conversion of Paula By Saint Jerome because its name, St. Paula's Liquid Wisdom, contained a medical claim--that the beer would grant wisdom.

He rejected a beer called Pickled Santa because Santa's eyes were too "googly" on the label, and labels cannot advertise the physical effects of alcohol. (A less googly-eyed Santa was later approved.)

He rejected a beer called Bad Elf because it featured an "Elf Warning," suggesting that elves not operate toy-making machinery while drinking the ale. The label was not approved on the grounds that the warning was confusing to consumers.

Never Again Let Whiskey Get You Down

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Never Again Let Whiskey Get You Down
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Identified only as Mr Huang, the liquor maker was unable to keep up the illegal practice after customers noticed the unusual side-effect of drinking the spirits, which were marketed as 'nutritional healthy liquor', according to China News Agency.

Huang, who founded Nine Springs Ecological Agriculture Development Company in Hubei province, was said to have purchased 1kg of Sildenafil – marketed as Viagra and Revatio – on the internet in January and added it to his alcoholic beverages without mentioning it on the label.

[UPDATED] First Person to Buy Weed in Spokane, Wa Gets Fired?!

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[UPDATED] First Person to Buy Weed in Spokane, Wa Gets Fired?!
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When Green Leaf finally opened, Mike's efforts were rewarded with 2 grams of legally purchased Sour Kush, and as it turned out, losing his job — after some narc client who saw him on the news went and snitched to his boss. In a real Gift of the Magi situation, now Mike has the legal ability to buy weed, but no job to pay for it. Still, he's not going to let that get him down:

"Yeah, it was kind of a buzzkill," he says. "But I wasn't going to let it ruin an awesome day."

Update:
HE GOT HIS JOB BACK!!!


"TrueBlue got ahold of me and offered me my job back," Mike told Newsweek. "I'll accept it and we'll see where it goes from there," he said. "The reason they said they gave me my job back was because their policy says you cannot be under the influence at work, which I was not, and since I officially had the day off, what I did on my time was my time. And they gave me my job back, and even gave me a day's worth of pay that I missed."


However, now Mike's thinking about trying to move over into the "marijuana industry."

Now, I'm thinking maybe I can even spin this and get a job in the marijuana industry. It's a new industry. They need qualified people.

Pick it Up! Beer Consumption Is Down in the US

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A Florida Man Known as "Fat Boy" Hides His Drug Stash in Exactly the Place a Guy Called "Fat Boy" Would

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A Florida Man Known as "Fat Boy" Hides His Drug Stash in Exactly the Place a Guy Called "Fat Boy" Would
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If you read that headline and thought "I bet this happened in Florida," then congratulations! There's a milkshake for you in the fridge as a prize. Go ahead, check it! A choice quote from the story:

The deputies searched Mitchell and fount 23 grams of marijuana hidden under his fat. Police also found a handgun in the middle console and $7,000 in cash stuffed in a tube sock. The suspects tried to hide the smell of drugs with carpet freshener and scented dryer sheets, but that didn't work.