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By Unknown
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According to a new study, the average modern man has some sperm problems, what with the heavy caffeine intake, tight-fitting boxer briefs (bummer), and being stressed out ALL THE TIME like the rest of us. Has your man had a cellphone for more than 10 years? His sperm are probably weaker because of that as well. Great. But never fear, because wine is here! In the study, Polish researchers found that drinking two glasses of wine for three days every week may help men's little swimmers do more laps
Via: ABC 6
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It's not a real party until at least two wild animals are sharing in the experience. Opposable thumbs are encouraged but not required.

First Person to Buy Weed in Spokane, Wa Gets Fired?!
Via: Uproxx
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When Green Leaf finally opened, Mike's efforts were rewarded with 2 grams of legally purchased Sour Kush, and as it turned out, losing his job — after some narc client who saw him on the news went and snitched to his boss. In a real Gift of the Magi situation, now Mike has the legal ability to buy weed, but no job to pay for it. Still, he's not going to let that get him down:

"Yeah, it was kind of a buzzkill," he says. "But I wasn't going to let it ruin an awesome day."

Update:
HE GOT HIS JOB BACK!!!


"TrueBlue got ahold of me and offered me my job back," Mike told Newsweek. "I'll accept it and we'll see where it goes from there," he said. "The reason they said they gave me my job back was because their policy says you cannot be under the influence at work, which I was not, and since I officially had the day off, what I did on my time was my time. And they gave me my job back, and even gave me a day's worth of pay that I missed."


However, now Mike's thinking about trying to move over into the "marijuana industry."

Now, I'm thinking maybe I can even spin this and get a job in the marijuana industry. It's a new industry. They need qualified people.
Via: WKRN
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MURFREESBORO, Tenn. - A man was arrested at a Murfreesboro bar Friday night for attempting to have sex with an ATM and later a picnic table.

According to the arrest report, Lonnie Hutton, 49, walked into the Boro Bar and Grill on Greenland Drive and up to the ATM.

He pulled down his pants and underwear, exposing his genitals, and then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM, the report stated.
science drugs brewing You Can Now Brew Morphine With Specialized Yeast
Via: Uproxx
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Though when we say "you" we mean "scientists with the appropriate time and resources to devote to a very fragile and complicated process". Scientists from U.C. Berkeley, Concordia University in Montreal and University of Calgary have developed a fifteen step process using three different genetically modified yeasts to turn glucose into morphine. Eventually, it could be used to produce opiod drugs easier but at the moment it takes 53 gallons of the specialized yeast to create 30 mg of morphine. 

By Unknown
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Keeping the sordid reputation of Chicago politicians alive and not-so-well, Alderman Deborah Graham reportedly gave convicted drug dealer Frederick "Juicy" Sims great assistance in getting a huge monetary grant to open a liquor store in Chicago, according to Opposing Views on Tuesday, as well as an original report by the Chicago Tribune.

Sims, who previously gave Alderman Graham a $2,000 donation for her political campaign, received a six-figure public grant to open his liquor store. The grant involved a $105,000 tax increment in financing, which is beyond the fact that a ban on liquor businesses had to be lifted for Sims to open shop.