"All right sir, we have a 90-day 'no friendzone warranty which covers you being clingy and overly emotional. Would you like to purchase the Jealousy upgrade for only $49.99 more?"

Just F.Y.I., 23.60 x 0.15 = 3.54. Remind me, restaurant, what are you guys smoking again? Or do you just need to go back to school?

One angel food cake: $6.95. Seeing the look on your buddy's face when his free steak salad costs him two weeks' salary: priceless.

Bacon and eggs, naturally. He's a murderer, not a cannibal!