"Kill it With Fire" is Just an Expression: A Seattle Man Caused $60,000 in Damages Trying to Kill a Spider With Spray Paint and a Lighter

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"Kill it With Fire" is Just an Expression: A Seattle Man Caused $60,000 in Damages Trying to Kill a Spider With Spray Paint and a Lighter
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It seems like only two weeks ago a Kansas woman set her home on fire trying to deal with the ever-present spider menace. Well, the same thing has just happened with a Seattle man. From Komo News:

A man who lived at the home told fire officials he was trying to kill a spider in his laundry room using a can of spray paint and a lighter when the wall caught fire, according to Kyle Moore with the Seattle Fire Department. The man wasn't able to put the fire out himself, and he left the home when it began to spread.

Somewhere out there is a spider with burn wounds and a taste for vengeance. Congratulations, Seattle man, you've created the first spider super villain.

A Correspondent From UK Agency Sky News Swallowed a Fly on the Air

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And here's what the poor guy looked like trying to report while it all happened:

[UPDATED] First Person to Buy Weed in Spokane, Wa Gets Fired?!

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[UPDATED] First Person to Buy Weed in Spokane, Wa Gets Fired?!
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When Green Leaf finally opened, Mike's efforts were rewarded with 2 grams of legally purchased Sour Kush, and as it turned out, losing his job — after some narc client who saw him on the news went and snitched to his boss. In a real Gift of the Magi situation, now Mike has the legal ability to buy weed, but no job to pay for it. Still, he's not going to let that get him down:

"Yeah, it was kind of a buzzkill," he says. "But I wasn't going to let it ruin an awesome day."

Update:
HE GOT HIS JOB BACK!!!


"TrueBlue got ahold of me and offered me my job back," Mike told Newsweek. "I'll accept it and we'll see where it goes from there," he said. "The reason they said they gave me my job back was because their policy says you cannot be under the influence at work, which I was not, and since I officially had the day off, what I did on my time was my time. And they gave me my job back, and even gave me a day's worth of pay that I missed."


However, now Mike's thinking about trying to move over into the "marijuana industry."

Now, I'm thinking maybe I can even spin this and get a job in the marijuana industry. It's a new industry. They need qualified people.

Latin American Paper Publimetro Just Committed the Worst Ad Placement Crime in Recent Memory

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Latin American Paper Publimetro Just Committed the Worst Ad Placement Crime in Recent Memory
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No, that is not a cynically-crafted Photoshop job. You can see the whole thing right here.

Publimetro is the Latin American branch of the Swedish Metro media company (no relation to UK's Metro). What you're looking at here is indeed their coverage of the escalating conflict on the Gaza strip plastered with a full-page ad for the newest Transformers movie. Perhaps Publimetro has the scoop on Israel's "Iron Dome" defense system (ACTUALLY AN AUTOBOT, PERHAPS IRONHIDE) or maybe it's some kind of ironic commentary on the commoditization of war... or maybe it's just a sad statement about the struggles of print media in a digital age.

Point is, let's never mix real life-threatening missiles and Michael Bay missiles ever again, shall we?

For the record, the cover story of this issue is about the World Cup. Of course:

We Present to You... News Tonight Featuring Adorable Kids

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mynickname86's nieces really wanted to make a news report so he set up a green screen and this is the result.

Sorry, Canada.