FIRST LESSON IN BASIC TRAINING: DON'T MIX BLEACH WITH YOUR MIXED-LOAD LAUNDRY, SOLDIER. THAT'S A RECIPE FOR A MAJOR FASHION INFRACTION

Alternatively, stick to low-light environments.

Side slit, back slit, FRONT slit even, but the elusive "double slit" has yet to truly catch on.

Don't worry, you can take that bracelet back eventually!

Oh, and beefing it. Lots and lots and lots of beefing it.

Hang on, I've got an emergency shirt in my bag for just this sort of occasion!