That's Usually How I Determine Which Undies to Wear

Favorite
retro,sexy times,underwear,vintage
- -

Well that, and whatever underwear can make my junk look like a firearm. Thankfully both of my criteria are filled (just like the pouches in this pic here).

Classy Evening Wear

Favorite
lingerie,no,oh god why,sexy times,underwear
- -

This is why we don't dig into mom and dad's private photo albums.

My Body is Not Ready

Favorite
fashion,High Fashion,no thanks,runway,sexy times
- -

The "Mouth in front of a powerful fan" look is symbolic. Symbolic of how much this blows.

It'll Get Me To Stay Away From People Like This, Though

Favorite
dating,gross,pick-up line,sexy times,shirt
- -

You know what else doesn't get you laid? Improper apostrophe use. For shame!

Download the new Cheezburger app for a chance to win a PS4! in Cheezburger 's Hangs on LockerDome