Well that, and whatever underwear can make my junk look like a firearm. Thankfully both of my criteria are filled (just like the pouches in this pic here).

This is why we don't dig into mom and dad's private photo albums.

The "Mouth in front of a powerful fan" look is symbolic. Symbolic of how much this blows.

You know what else doesn't get you laid? Improper apostrophe use. For shame!

The perfect underwear for you and that special FAIL-y Someone in your life!

Can we just go back to the vanilla sexy-times please?

Edward Cullen was a vampire, and I would soon be jumping off of the nearest bridge I could find after realizing this exists.