(We are Jewish. For those of you who don't know, it's a Christmas tradition for Jews to eat Chinese food and see a movie on Christmas, since there's nothing else to do. It's currently a week before Christmas, and we don't know what to eat.)
Dad: Maybe we should do Chinese tonight instead of for Christmas.
Mom: Honey, DON'T ruin my Christmas!
(After my 4-year-old got in trouble she came up to her father.)
4yr old: Am I on the naughty list?
Father: With the way you've been acting, you probably are.
4yr old: *Thinks for a moment* Not if I kill Santa.
(In the living room about 15 minutes before Thanksgiving Dinner with 20 family members and Grandma.)
Gram: I think somebody farted.
Younger Brother: You know what they say Gram, they who smelled it, dealt it.
Gram: (laughs) That's true.
Gram; No, I was wrong, somebody's crapped themselves.
"I would accomplish nothing."
Truer words have yet to be spoken.
(After a family party. Aunt and Uncle are getting ready to leave and are picking up left overs.)
Uncle: Hey, Sher, we gonna take this fruit home?
Gay uncle: Uh, I'm standing right here!
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