(After my 4-year-old got in trouble she came up to her father.)
4yr old: Am I on the naughty list?
Father: With the way you've been acting, you probably are.
4yr old: *Thinks for a moment* Not if I kill Santa.
(After a family party. Aunt and Uncle are getting ready to leave and are picking up left overs.)
Uncle: Hey, Sher, we gonna take this fruit home?
Gay uncle: Uh, I'm standing right here!
"I would accomplish nothing."
Truer words have yet to be spoken.
(In the living room about 15 minutes before Thanksgiving Dinner with 20 family members and Grandma.)
Gram: I think somebody farted.
Younger Brother: You know what they say Gram, they who smelled it, dealt it.
Gram: (laughs) That's true.
Gram; No, I was wrong, somebody's crapped themselves.
Dad: Don't go into the dark, the Boogie Man will get you.
Me: You're the Boogie man, and the Tooth Fairy, and Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny
Dad: Don't talk about my sex life.
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