(Me brushing my teeth) (Gargling, Dad walks in holds my nose and says) Dad: Swallow! Me: (Spits everything on him) Dad: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! EVERYONE SWALLOWS IN THIS HOUSE! Mom: That's right dear.

(Us at table eating tapioca. My uncle Ralph *has finished his but there is no more): Uncle Ralph: Hey did you know semen is low calorie food? Five calories per go! Me and Brothers: *Push away food* Eeeeeeeeew. Uncle Ralph: Well if you're not gonna eat it....

Little Sister: Dad, you're putting butter in a cup! Who does that?! Me: Cool people. And dad. Dad: Just when I thought you were smart, you had to say something like that to prove how unsmart you is! Me: I'm not the one who said "unsmart."