(Me and my dad are walking past a church where a funeral is in progress) Dad: Why do they always have funerals at churches? Me: Because it's considered God's home. Dad: Well why can't God go on the road, Tim Tebow does. Me: ...

My mother texts me: Hey... Dad wants a ticket to the game in green bay for Christmas... I believe it's a football game and I think it's the Packers against another team... Possibly the Yankees.