(Talking about moving to a town in Washington with my mother) Me: We're moving to Pullman, Washington. Mom: Oh, that nice. You've got to go see the Lincoln Memorial and the other things there. Me, staring at my mother: Pullman, Washington... Mom, clueless: Yeah, Washington is our national capital. Me, shaking head: Our capital is Washington D.C.. We're moving to Washington state. Mom: There's a difference?

My Mum (after being told that her new Noah's ark ring was religious): When you think of Noah's ark, do you think of animals? Or do you think of Moses... Or whoever it was that built it?

(On the phone.) Me: Could you post me one of my old school shirts? I'm putting together a Hogwarts costume. Mum: What for? Me: A Harry Potter night at the student union. Mum: You should go as a wand!