Me: Mom, I don't want to eat meat tonight. I just got done dissecting a pig. Mom: What? You won't eat meat because of that?! What's going to happen if you go to medical school and dissect humans? Will you stop eating humans too? Me: Um.....

Me: I just saw the coolest bumper sticker, it said "My mother is a travel agent for guilt trips". Mom (totally seriously): That's not nice, I never try to make you feel guiltly, do I? It would really hurt my feelings if you think I did.

(My brother finally telling our parents he's gay.) Mom: You can't be gay, you're not good looking and you have no fashion sense.