A 12-Year-Old Colorado Girl Was Arrested for Attempting to Poison Her Mother Over iPhone Privileges, Because #KidsTheseDays

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Allegedly the girl hatched a revenge plot to murder her mother after her iPhone was taken away. That sentence is a real event and not something we pulled from a psychology case study on sociopathy.

Boulder County police arrested the tween after her mother reported her for the second poisoning incident. The first, when the child poured bleach into her mother's smoothie, which mom was able to detect by smell (and here we thought it was the pricepoint of a Vitamix that would kill you ZING).

Then she tried the same stunt with a carafe of water that her mother kept in her bedroom. This is probably the ballsiest move in the entire story, because seriously who tries the same matricidal nonsense twice? That's just poor form, Olivia (in the story I am assuming the child's name is Olivia because they're all named Olivia, run with me here).

To conclude, anothercase of tween barbarism solved by the power of a mom who won't take any nonsnse... and maybe a little help from Mr. Yuck.

Nice GTA Impression

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Darth Vader Pulls Off a North Carolina Bank Robbery, Gets Drunk at a Hockey Game in One Week

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That's a man in a Darth Vader mask successfully getting away with a bank robbery in Pineville, NC last Monday. Luckily no one was injured in the event. Meanwhile, Star Wars Night at the AHL Manchester Monarchs game featured a Vader who was clearly none too experienced with walking on ice. 



Or maybe just failing to force choke members of the away team. Such is the mystery of the game.

WTF of the Day: Woman Hijacks Handicapped Parking Spot, Leaves Nasty Note for Amputee

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An hateful Ohio woman with terrible grammar has incurred the wrath of the Internet with her rude response to a disabled woman.

Ashley Brady lost her leg in 2014 in an accident, and she now uses a prosthetic one to help her walk.

She was given a designated handicapped parking spot at her apartment complex this month so it would be easier for her to get to her car, but another woman who was not handicapped started parking there instead.

Brady left a letter on the woman’s car complaining that she was in her spot and that she would be towed if she did it again. The woman replied with another note which has since gone viral, because she is the absolutely the worst.

The Amputee Coalition of America posted her note to their Facebook page which you can view below.

The messages reads:

Hey handicap! First, never place your hands on my car again! Second, honey you ain’t the only one with “struggles.” You want pity go to a one leg support group! You messed with the wrong one! I don’t care what your note said shove it, but you touch my car again I will file a report, I am not playing! I let the office know the cry baby one leg touches my property I will cause trouble so go cry your struggles to someone who cares cause I’m walking away with both mine!

“I read it probably like five times, over and over, because my brain just couldn’t even process the level of mean that it was,” Brady said.

Since posting the letter, she’s received lots of support from strangers on Facebook.

Remember That Time a British Airways Flight Got Turned Around Because of a Terrible Deuce?

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None of that tweet is a joke. A British Airways flight was reportedly turned around and sent back home because a rank poo in the plane's bathroom was presenting a health hazzard - not to mention making other passenvers uncomfortable.

Promo of the Day: Spirit Airlines Gets Sexual with $69 Round Trip Deal

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Spirit Airlines’ marketing department is run by teenage boys.

A recent promo on their website has gotten some people all hot and bothered with its blatant sexual innuendoes.

The ad, which expired on March 17, was for $69 round trip flights to celebrate the addition of its 69th plane.

From the promo:

We’ve been waiting to hit 69 planes for years. It’s our favorite number – ever since we were twelve and found that magazine under our brother’s bed (the one with the fantastic articles). #69 is perfect: just the right size, with a cockpit that’s in your face (because it’s bright yellow). Use your mouth to spread the word: Spirit is in an even better position to get you where you’re going. We’re popping an epic Bare Fare in celebration! $69.00* round trip!

And yes it’s very real.

“The goal with our marketing is to provide information about our low fares to our customers, in a unconventional manner, without the ads costing so much that we need to increase fares to cover those costs,” the company told Fox 9 in a statement.

Their “bare fare” policy is to charge less for a ticket, but not included typical perks that other airlines have like free beverages or carry-on bags. As a result of all the hidden fees, Spirit has become the most complained about airline in the U.S.

As the Huffington Post points out, the airline also launched – and were subsequently ridiculed for –a promotion last year that tied into the celebrity nude photo scandal.

Fail of the Day: California Man Spray Painted Himself Black to Hide from Police

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Can you spot the man in the photo above?

Inept car thief Jose Espinoza was running from the cops in Madera, California last weekend, when he came up with what he believed was a genius escape plan.

He spray painted himself black as a disguise. Needless to say, it didn't work, especially considering he was standing next to a white wall, as Corp. Josiah Arnold told CNN.

The Madera Police Department later posted his mugshot to Facebook, with this amazing caption: "The camouflage was ineffective."

Your move Florida Man.