Probably bad News

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The 11-year-old boy from Manchester, Enbland carried around zip ties and a sleep mask after the students were asked to dress as a fictionarl character for World Book Day. Allegedly, the whole thing was his idea. The school, however didn't think it was so funny and sent him home for the day.



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Via Mirror
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According to Lan Tien, "It was hot so I was painting the wall in the nude, and I slipped on the floor causing my private parts to fall inside the pipe that was protruding from the wall to take water outside from the air conditioning unit. Unfortunately, I got stuck as a result." One might use this as a teaching moment to talk about the safety of one's tally-whacker in the open air, but all we're left wondering is just HOW your jingle-jank can "fall" into an open pipe.

These are the mysteries of life, people.

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Via SB Nation
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Things were rough at the opening game for the Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field. The stadium began a massive renovation project, but due to inclimate weather this past winter progress has been minimal. Despite all this, the Cubs insisted their field was prepared for opening day.

Cut to this weekend, where only two of the men's rooms in the entire stadium were functional. Literally thousands of fans waited in line for as long as an hour to take a leak, leading many to pee in cups, or make liquid graffiti of their names on the wall like children. Food shortages meant that many fans were left with nothing but french fries to snack on as the game progressed. 

The Cubs ended up losing their game 3-0 against the St. Louis Cardinals

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Can you spot the man in the photo above?

Inept car thief Jose Espinoza was running from the cops in Madera, California last weekend, when he came up with what he believed was a genius escape plan.

He spray painted himself black as a disguise. Needless to say, it didn't work, especially considering he was standing next to a white wall, as Corp. Josiah Arnold told CNN.

The Madera Police Department later posted his mugshot to Facebook, with this amazing caption: "The camouflage was ineffective."

Your move Florida Man.