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Beyoncé's New Album Took Over the Internet This Week, Now #beyoncethinkpieces is Taking Over Twitter Today

Beyoncé blessed the internet this week with a new album that no one saw coming. Frantic to capitalize on the tsunami of hype (which no one had the chance to do before release), bloggers, hipsters, and internet intellectuals (inter-lectuals?) raced as quickly as they could to dissect the "meaning" behind Queen Bey's new tracks. The result was a cascade of blog posts whose "deep" theories surrounding the album's lyrics sounded about as ridiculous as a middle school English essay.

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Facebook's on the stock market now! Even as we speak, total strangers are buying and selling the space where you leave passive-aggressive notes and quasi-inspirational quotations for all your so-called friends to see. And how are people celebrating this auspicious day? If you're part of this group of people who allegedly have never seen each other face-to-face but still consider each other friends thanks to the false nostalgia-building that is Facebook, you make a video that tries so hard to be "uplifting" and "inspirational" it's basically a Christian Rock song with the word "Facebook" substituted for "God." Welcome to 2012.