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If this relationship is ever going to work, Zach will need to completely deny the existence of females outside of his girlfriend. And totally surrender control of his privacy to said girlfriend. Is that so much to ask?

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Public transportation provides an invaluable service to any metropolitan area, and you should ALWAYS RESPECT THEIR RIGHT OF WAY, EVEN IF YOU'RE BUMPING UGLIES ON THE CONCRETE. #PSAs

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God, next thing you know she'll be asking him to move to a room with a dehumidifier. Some people are so demanding.

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I didn't know Anthony Weiner used Yahoo Answers. HEYOOOOO

Also, if you're an expert at spotting male "equipment," we're hosting a scavenger hunt for suggestively-shaped turkeys over at FAIL Blog tomorrow! The winner gets to be a guest editor for a day. ARE YOU EXCITED YET? Check it out when you're finished hyperventilating!

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How do you think Joseph felt when the same thing happened to Mary? Poor guy was just so gullible. Virgin birth? PFFT RIGHT.