The Onion's 5 Tips to Succeed as a Woman in the Office

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If your male coworker is outwardly hostile to you, placate him by making him a sandwich!

... A knuckle sandwich...

How Do You Become CEO of a Company When the Odds Are Stacked Against You?

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By Unknown
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Here's how:

Never, ever give up.
EVER!
Perseverance.
Optimism.
Tenacity.
Intelligence.
Savvy.
Mental toughness.