You need EXPERIENCE to HOLD SIGNS. Or spin them. Whichever. Are there any entry-level jobs left? You already need a doctorate and a seven-year apprenticeship for the privilege of working as a barista warlord.
Send in a cover letter describing your qualifications for the position. Be sure to include your prior history of nerdiness, weakness, unpopularity at school, and how you intend to abuse an excess of imagined internet power.