Hark!

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Hark!
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If that doesn't get you employed, what will?

Made Blatantly False Claims on Résumé

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Made Blatantly False Claims on Résumé
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"Optimized client assets for strategic marketing purposes."

Here's My Rezoom

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Here's My Rezoom
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I'm just gonna go 'head and assume I get the job, so just let me know when I start, thanks!

No Excuses This Time!

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No Excuses This Time!
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As for the bajillion other potential excuses they could use, well... good luck with those!